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Joke Fic - Crono vs Mario Aftermath / Megaman vs SephirothSephiroth stalked back to his room. True, the boy was gone but the plumber still lived and the failure had thwarted him. While he had accomplished his goal, it was in a matter that had been unsatisfactory to him. Flinging the door open, he stalked into the room. Suddenly a pain exploded in his pelvic region unlike any he had ever felt before. He felt himself falling forward, already curling into the fetal position. Only one word escaped his lips as his eyes curled all the way back into his sockets. "Rosebud." Then everything went black and Sephiroth knew no more. Mega Man withdrew his boot from the devastating kick that had laid the supposedly most powerful contestant low. He sneered to himself as he reflected on how people often didn't take him seriously in this contest due to his size. "Small I may be but there is something to be said about a boot that is made out of solid titanium." His sneer grew a little wider as he reflected that it wasn't just his size but his carefully crafted facade that those idiots kept falling for. What most people didn't realize is that, when he defeated enemies, he didn't just take their powers. He took their souls. He had been able to intercept Resetti on his way to the portal but he had been cheated of Zelda's soul by that fool Link and that thrice-damned Magus. Inwardly shrugging, he realized that it was of no consequence. One as weak as Zelda would have done nothing to enhance his strength. If the rules hadn't prohibited it, he would be feasting on a much stronger soul right now. But there would be time enough for that later. His deal with Cloud was to destroy the source of Sephiroth's power. He strode purposefully into the bathroom and flung open the shower doors. There, even his computerized mind was staggered by the sheer array of shampoos and conditioners that lined the walls. Setting his blaster to "waste ****" mode, he annilihated them all. Striding back into the main room, Mega Man kneels by Sephiroth. Using his weapons programs, he quickly calls up Paint Spray Man's weapon (noting mournfully that, in their zeal to squeeze every last buck out of the franchise, Capcom was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for enemies) as a secondary weapon. However, for the bulk of this work, the old weapons would once again prove to be best. Mega Man smiles evilly to himself as Cutman's blades manifested as a primary weapon. Awakening hours later, Sephiroth feebly manages to lever himself up. More than the pain which still burned and throbbed through his veins, something felt amiss. Catching a glimpse of some type of funktastic purple, Sephiroth turns to the mirror and sees the horror of what is left of now unevenly shaved and mohawked hair. The scream of pure anguish rings out, leaving a shiver of pure pity through even the most hard-hearted contestant. (Many topics later, after everyone has explored the darkness in their own soul, except for Vercetti who, for some reason, after the Mario/Crono match, started prancing around, singing "On the Good Ship Lollipop", telling kids to "just say no" and generally being a little Miss Sunshine until Mega Man anniliates him in a battle that was so graphic and sexually preverse that, not only did everyone on the fan fic team get banned but everyone on the SC2K3 board got banned for just being on a board with such a vile piece of work that managed to get even LUE to say "that's too much, dude" and, if you actually tried to say this entire sentence in one breath, you would pass out and/or suffer brain damage so I will skip over Mega Man just being generally evil towards Sephiroth and move to .... the Mega Man/Sephiroth fight.) *Mega Man strides out and walks straight up to Sephiroth. Sephiroth vainly tries to keep the flinching out of his face as his opponent marches straight up and looks Sephiroth in ....well, the belt buckle.* "D,d,don't think you can beat me. I have hordes of fanboys ready to die at my very whim." Mega Man flexes the knuckles that, only a few days ago, had ripped Snake's still-beating heart out of his chest. They make a metallic and ominous popping sound as Mega Man says in a silky smooth voice. "Relax, you're going to win this match." "I'm .... WHAT?" "Sure. What you failed to realize is, while you were trying to manipulate the small fry, me and Cloud were manipulating you." Sephiroth finds himself speechless as Mega Man continues. "It's very simple. Cloud and I have a deal where, after I have my fun with you, I will throw the match. This way, Cloud gets his shot at you as well." "Why would you..." "Throw the match? I told you. Cloud and I have a deal. If I throw this match and live up to the other aspect of the deal, Cloud will hook me up to the lifeforce of his planet. A near limitless stream of power and it will be mine." "But what does Cloud get out of this ... deal?" "Not only do I throw the match so he can have his turn at slapping you around" At this, Mega Man gives Sephiroth a look that makes the SOLDIER involuntarily step back "but, using the powers I accquired from Pimp Man, I will give Cloud the ability to get it on with not just Aeris and Tifa but Yuffie and that Shinra chick Ilyna." Sephiroth's mind twirls around the possibilities. "That's so..so...evil." Mega Man spreads his arms and says "Pimpin' ain't easy." "I'll tell everyone your evil plan." "Right. Everyone is going to believe Sephiroth that Mega Man is a far darker soul than him. All I have to do is strike a victory pose and do the "blue light" exit and everyone will say that I'm just so cute. Given the rumors floating about on how you were the one who reprogrammed me to kill Snake and" *looks around for mods* "do what I did to Vercetti, I think you'll find a somewhat unreceptive audience. As, for what I've said here" Mega Man waves his blaster "noone's heard a thing thanks to the power of White Sound Man." Mega Man falls into a fighting stance. "Enough talk, bishounen boy. Time for me to have some fun, cupcake." Sephiroth begins to gather his power to him but falters as Mega Man activates every weapon program that he and X have collected including the weapons that X collected in Mega Man X24 Super Hyper Blast Megatokyo Energon Edition: Religion Battles where, in a game that offended every major religion and most ethnic groups, X defeated the likes of Buddha Man and Jesus man. (The media planned to run articles on this offense to God and man alike but they were too busy trying to find studies which proves that Vice City causes kids to become snipers. Besides X is just so cute.) As Mega Man equips every concept that Capcom could come up with in order to churn out yet another sequel, Sephiroth realizes that the combination of powers that Mega Man has means that a) there is nothing he can do that Mega Man hasn't faced in some ridiculous form or another and b) Mega Man is about to engage in "happy fun-filled ouch time". Back |