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Joke Fic - The Elf Man Cometh**** was going down in the arena. It was going to be a four star performance, you see. Link bit his lip furiously, trying to wash his fears away in a sea of pain. Magus was grinning at him, hovering in the air with his eyes closed like a demented narcoleptic hoverbeast. He raised his hands and the whole crowd cheered at him. This worried Link until he looked at the stands and saw that no one was clapping. Stupid auditory illusions. A gong sounded. Link flinched as immensely studly wizard flew through the air at him, chasing after him like a drunken frat boy on prom night. "I'm not scared of you, you little... WAUUGH!" Link got really up close and personal with a death sickle in his belt. It was kind of nice, the silvery color really brought out his complexion. The blade was pretty bright, and the red smears made him look way better in comparison. The crimson streaks going down his shirt really looked kind of cute, like little blood-red icicles. Blood... oh yeah, he was bleeding. "Hey! Wooah! Yauugh! Hup! Hut! Hike! That wasn't very..." An enormous blob of ice shut him up, freezing him into place. Link felt his muscles stiffen up, unable to move, while Magus stood above him, gloating and revelling in his awesomeness. Link tried to think, although the numbing cold made him feel like taking a nap. What would Legolas do in this situation? A firey wave melted away his concerns, and he fell to the ground, gasping. "You can't do this, I'm evil! OWW! Ok, you w..." Magus fired a few more spells at him just for the fun of it, and finished him off with a super sized dark matter with crispy fries. Link lay on his back, gasping. Despite the pain he was in, it had actually been kind of fun to witness Magus in action. Groupies flooded out of the stands, throwing themselves at the almighty wizard. A blue haired beauty leaped at him. "OMG! MAGUS! BLESS ME WITH YOUR OMNIPOTENT SEED! I WANNA HAVE YOUR ALL POWERFUL BABIES! LET ME BEAR YOUR SPAWN!" "Nah, I'm actually sterile. A lifetime of studying dark magic does that to you sometimes." "Oh, that sucks." The sheepish, voluptuous girl looked him over cautiously. "So, um, does that mean..." "Nah, I'm cool. There just won't be any Magus juniors running around." "Oh. Kay!" The two wisked themselves off for a frenzied night of... tea, and crumpets, and Platonic discourse. Yeah. Link rolled himself over, while the whole crowd continued chanting Magus's name. "Ok, can we have a real fic now?" Back |