GCB Fanfics: The Fanfiction Project

July 27th, 2003


Preshow

Duke Nukem's Locker Room

Duke Nukem grinned to himself in the locker room. The blond, muscular gunslinger had been called many things...brash, noisy, confident, cocky, aggravating, swaggering, smug, conceited, misogynistic, arrogant, egotistical, and chauvinistic, among others--and those were only from the past few days. The sheer amount of adjectives one could use to describe Duke could practically fill a dictionary--or at the least, a thesaurus or two.

However, when the gunman thought of a word that suited him, only one came to mind: 'perfect.' Duke held up his pistols, which he was currently polishing. He grinned again, looking into the gleaming surface, making sure his hair was, like the rest of him, perfect. The gunslinger, satisfied, holstered his 'babies,' throwing in a pose or two for good effect.

Damn, Nukem, you're looking good. What woman could resist this body? There was a pause in Duke's internal monologue as he realized that every single woman at the competition had, in fact, resisted his body. Oh well, their loss. They're probably all lesbians anyway.

Making sure he had full ammunition in the multiple weapons hanging from his body, God's gift to women laughed to himself. "I wonder who this Ryu guy is? Oh well, it doesn't matter. He's a fistfighter? Hah...so was that...Eeyore...guy...that I kicked the **** out of last year. He won't be able to touch me."

This fight didn't matter. It was only a stepping stone on Duke's path to the top. Hell, he didn't even know what time it was supposed to start! The gunfighter glanced at the clock above the door to the hallway, which told him it was slightly after noon. Hm. Oh well, I'll practice my victory pose for ten more minutes and then get out there. Don't wanna overdo it...and then, I'm gonna come back, and win back what I've lost in those poker games. You know, I bet they were cheating, after all.

Duke laughed once more. "Heh...soon, they're all gonna see what I'm capable of. A Duke? Hell no...they're gonna hail to the King, baby."



The Battle

Duke Nukem strolled into the arena, ammo belts strapped across his chest and a pistol in each hand. As he sauntered towards the center he flashed everyone in the stadium his cocky, arrogant, and rather hideous grin. He had utterly failed at seducing all of those prudish women in the tournament. But now he was truly in his element; all by himself with some big freakin guns, ridiculous amounts of ammunition, and a target to shoot it at. Today was the day he'd impress his myriad of admirers, and maybe find a few hot mamas to entertain him afterwards...or so he told himself, hardly realizing that nobody watching seemed to give a damn about him at all.

Meanwhile, the target was waiting on the other side of the stadium. Ryu, widely liked and respected, was by far the fan favorite, and had received tumultous applause from the moment he stepped foot in the arena. Unfortunately, that had been half an hour ago. He now stood quietly in wait, suppressing a shiver from the cool morning breeze. It looked as if Duke had decided to sleep in on the day of his match, no doubt from gambling late into the previous night. If the headband-clad warrior felt any disgust or discomfort at this, he showed no outward signs. If anything, he looked slightly more grim then usual as he stepped forward and adopted a fighting stance, waiting for the match to begin.

Samus tried to drown out one of the (now routine) arguments between the two corpulent plumbers and that oversized turtle, and took in the spectacle before her. To a casual observer, the match may have seemed a bit one sided; one man with enough weapons to take over a small country against another armed with only his fists. But Knuckles' performance against Yuna seemed evidence enough that guns weren't everything in this tournament. Besides, she had faced Ryu in the first round the previous year, and knew he was no slouch. There a great deal more to him then met the eye. And from what she had seen so far of Duke, there was a great deal less to him then met anyone's eye.

Duke lazily scratched his nose with one of his loaded pistols, waiting for the announcer to signal the start of the match. He was surprised that Ryu had refused the maze used in previous matches to give him some extra cover. What did he say? That it would be 'dishonorable?!' Well, I'll make sure he gets what he deserves for his honor. Uh oh, I'm just standing around here doing nothing, aren't I? What will my fans think of me?! Better say some sort of awesome catch phrase quick to wow them...now how did that line from that one movie go?

"Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all outta gum!" shouted Duke, flexing his macho muscles and flailing his guns around wildly.

Oh yeah, that's the ticket. You still got it, Dukey boy. Now when is that goddamn match gonna star...@#$&!

Duke saw Ryu about 20 feet away and charging straight for him, and realized that the match must have already begun as he was screwing around. Cursing, he stumbled backwards, discharging his pistols in Ryu's general direction and trying to keep him from closing the distance.

Ryu expertly dodged and weaved through the hailstorm of poorly aimed bullets as if it were little more than a minor inconvenience. "Ken has already failed for his lack of speed...I will not make the same mistake. I will defeat you, and our master's teachings will live on!"

Duke heard two ominous clicks as his weapons finally ran out of bullets. Swearing even more, he realized he had no time to reload and decided to use a last ditch tactic.

"You think you're so tough, kid? How about THIS!" Duke cried and lunged forward with one mighty right hook.

Ryu couldn't help but smile at Nukem's decision to fight hand to hand. Easily sidestepping the punch, he saw Duke stumble forward and leave himself open for attack. Spinning around he gave an uppercut followed by a powerful roundhouse kick that connected squarely with Duke's back, sending him flying across the floor and skidding to a halt 10 feet away.

"You're too weak," Ryu stated, advancing on the fallen gunfighter with a look of resignation. "How did someone like you ever manage to beat Iori last year?"

"You want to know how I beat him, eh kid?" Duke replied, dragging himself to his feet again. "Hows about I give you a little demonstration." Duke reached behind him and pulled out a shotgun. But when he was about to fire it, he realized he hadn't said anything cool in a while.

"Hail to the king, baby!" He cried out, turning and cocking his shotgun with one hand while raising the other arm in a quasi-salute. A partial observer at this point may have mistaken him for an inebriated scarecrow. Damn I'm sexy, he assured himself, oblivious to the groans that were coming from many of the onlookers.

Ryu, seeing Duke turn his back on him, was stunned by this impressive display of idiocy. But in one smooth motion, Duke whipped around and began firing the shotgun at an alarmingly fast rate. Alright, maybe he's not quite as stupid as he looks.

Ryu sprinted in irregular patterns around the stadium, barely able to keep one step ahead of the shotgun blasts. He was waiting for his opponent to make a mistake, but the gunfighter was making it impossible for him to close the distance this time.

Duke delighted in Ryu's frantic dodging, and guffawed loudly at the success of his new tactic. He continued firing the shotgun with one hand, and took out a grenade from his belt with the other. "Time to end this now, punk!" he shouted, priming it and hurling it towards his opponent.

Ryu saw his chance. He ducked under an incoming bullet, then jumped into the air and kicked the grenade straight back at Duke. The surprised man only had time to look stupidly at his feet before it went off with an enormous explosion.

The floor of the entire stadium shook. Up in the stands, Kefka had fallen out of his seat and was lying upside down, while screaming at nobody in particular. Yoshi tried to help the deranged clown get up, but Kefka just shocked the dinosaur with lightning and sent him howling back to his seat. Kefka managed to pick himself up after much effort, laughing maniacally and dusting himself off.

Meanwhile, the smoke in the arena had settled, revealing a battered and soot covered Duke lying on one side of it. "All too easy," Ryu remarked, straightening his glove and beginning to exit the arena.

But a gasp came from the spectators as Duke staggered to his feet, obviously in a great deal of pain but still grinning coolly. "Not bad, not bad at all. Now let's see you dodge this one!" With that, he pulled out a massive flamethrower and began to fire without hesitation. Flames leaped out 30 feet in front of him, singing a shocked Ryu and lighting his white fighter's apparel on fire.

Try as he might, Ryu couldn't escape the flames and get near Duke a third time. Finally, he leaped backwards out of range of the terrible weapon, the likes of which he had never seen before. Ignoring the searing pain from his burns, he quickly decided he would have to use the only method that remained.

Duke continued to advance on his opponent, flames dancing out in front of him, seeing victory within his grasp. Suddenly, he heard a strange shout emanate from Ryu followed by an even stranger ball of energy headed directly at him. Deciding that dodging the attack wouldn't be worth the effort, Duke just snickered and continued firing the flamethrower directly at the incoming hadoken.

But the energy ball simply swallowed the flames, seemingly growing in its strength. Duke stared at it, wide eyed with fear, as the unstoppable projectile grew to over several feet wide and bore down on him. At the last second he changed his mind and tried to leap out of the way, but it was far too late.

"HOLY SH-"

The hadoken slammed directly into Duke, sending him flying across the arena once more and hitting the opposite wall with a sickening thud. Ryu, seeing his opponents now unconscious body, pumped his arm in victory and strode out to thunderous applause.

Max Payne leered up at Snake from his seat. "Well, looks like that's one less chair at our poker table."

"So it does. Poor guy...can't say I'll miss him much."



Aftermath

"Well, that wasn't so hard."

The thought didn't even seem his own. Gradually, Ryu regained consciousness. He opened his eyes to a brilliant white glow, shut them instinctively, then slowly reopened them. As his vision adjusted to the harsh fluorescent lighting of the medical ward, Ryu's memory returned.

As the match with Duke Nukem had ended, Ryu had given the crowd as much of a victory celebration as he would allow himself and strode off the field. He remembered the clamor of the fans; somewhere inside him he was heartened to learn that the crowd was on his side.

There were a few who weren't pleased to see the martial artist's victory though. He remembered hecklers wearing T-shirts that read "Duke Nukem Forever" accosting him on the way to the locker room. They were harmless, though. All they did was make threats like, "just wait until next year." It couldn't have been them...right?

Ryu had pushed open the door to the locker room forcefully, and had been surprised to find it dark inside. Must've forgotten to leave the light on, he recalled thinking to himself. The springloaded door had slammed swiftly behind him, leaving him completely in the dark.

Maybe it was the relief of having just finished a fight, or maybe it was the pain from the flamethrower burns. Maybe it was no fault of his own at all, but Ryu was taken completely by surprise. An intense pain ripped from his left side across his back nearly to his right shoulder. It felt like a knife, or maybe a claw or a tooth. Possibly a sword. He remembered a heavy thump in the room, presumably caused by his assailant. It was quickly echoed by the sound of his body hitting the floor. At that point, I must have passed out.

Now Ryu was lying on his back in a bed in the medical ward of the contestants' quarters. He looked down at his bare chest, still confused. The burns he had suffered in the fight were practically gone, and his back was hardly sore at all. Extra-dimensional advanced technology? Healing magic? Whatever they patched me up with, it's not available over the counter... Well, I suppose they would be well equipped here, wouldn't they. They'd better be, this is no street fighting tournament.

Ryu rose from the bed and slipped back into his white outfit. Still, something's not quite right...

"It's probably nothing."

You're right, it's nothing.
Ryu set out to find a nurse, and something to wake himself up. The former was readily available.

"Oh, you're finally awake?" said a passing nurse as Ryu stepped out into the hall. "That was a close call you had."

"What was?" asked a befuddled Ryu, glad for the moment that the voice talking to him was now decidedly not originating from within his own head.

The nurse stopped. "You had a nasty cut on your back. If your friend, umm, Lara, hadn't found you in that locker room, you might not have made it. Next time, don't be so macho! Everyone's getting beat up out there, you're no different."

So, Lara found me and brought me here. And I thought she had only cared about Ken. "But I won my fight easily! I was ambushed afterward, in the locker room, by someone who had access, and that means another contestant. Wasn't anyone disqualified?"

The nurse looked shocked. "No! I didn't hear anything about that! Listen, are you sure you're ok? You lost a lot of blood. If it wasn't for that tall man with the white hair and his timely donation..." she trailed off.

"I'll be fine. Thank you for your care," said Ryu, hurriedly bowing in gratitude to the nurse. He decided not to tell the nurse about the voice he had heard in his head. After all, it was probably just the anesthetic wearing off. Besides, from what the nurse just told him, he owed a man his life. A man who, although it was unlikely, could be facing elimination the next day.

Ryu left the medical ward and walked in the direction of the Hero's Haunt. He was in luck, he met the man he was seeking at the door. "Dante," he called to get the demon hunter's attention.

Dante turned, surprised to see Ryu anywhere near the bar. "I suppose congratulations are in order..." Dante seemed to be more curious then congratulatory. "At least you're up and around again. I'd hate to see you at even more of a disadvantage when you face me."

Ryu ignored the cocky brush-off. "I owe you my life. The nurses told me if you hadn't given blood at the med ward, I might not have lived." He bowed low.

Dante laughed. "Give blood? You've got the wrong guy. Trust me, if I gave blood, I'd be locked up for murder. Demon blood is not something you want in your veins. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a card game to play." Dante slipped through the door.

It wasn't him? Tall man with white hair...

"You'll worry about it later."

I'll worry about it later. Wait, why? That doesn't sound like me...

"Your assailant is still at large."

Because my assailant is still at large. Someone here violated the rules of the contest, and I'm the only one who knows about it.





Today's Authors: Funkadelict, Aeon Azuran, StopPokingMe
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