GCB Fanfics: The Fanfiction Project

July 19th, 2003


Preshow

Pac-Man rolled out of his room and into the hall with a speed that revealed his experience, and veteran status. He traversed the hallways and winded around the corners quickly. No one was following him, but he'd gotten used to having to get around quickly. Granted, moving around wasn't always the most impressive fighting skill, but he was good at it.

He had heard from a blue haired man that his own dimension very likely pre-existed anyone else's. He found that rather surprising. He didn't think he was getting that old, he was just good at what he did. Which was mostly just eating pellets, fruit, and ghosts.

His job description had kind of weirded out some of the other contestants. Luigi apparently had some experience with ghosts though, and seemed impressed that Pac-Man had eaten some. He called Pac-Man a living vacuum, apparently in reference to a contraption Luigi carried. Luigi and his brother Mario were a little bit like vacuums themselves though... Pac-Man had seen them shovel in pasta like it was the end of the world.

Last year, Pac-Man been a favorite, put at the top of his division. He'd taken his first two opponents only to lose to a fighter who had already been defeated this year. That made his prospects this year a little doubtful... and his opponent today was as much of an enigma to him as Pac-Man was to the other contestants.

His opponent's name was Kefka, and he looked like a cross between a jester, a clown, an escaped lunatic, and a salad ingredient. Hopefully he'd be edible though. That was the important thing.

By keeping his mind busy, Pac-Man almost missed the fact that he had nearly arrived at the Arena. He decided to stop himself and wait for his opponent. With any luck, this match would just be another story to impress Ms. Pac-Man with when he got back to her.

----

"Idiots! A god is trying to pass here! None of you may have my autograph! Heh hee hah ha!"

Kefka was making his way through the crowd to get to the arena. He wasn't exactly walking- he took steps mixed with random jumps, and he ran as much as he walked. Kefka stopped his peculiar pattern of locomotion to pace back and forth. For all his complaints, he seemed in no great rush. He announced his presence again when Mario tried to get past him in the hall.

"You'll soon be glad I wasn't here last year." Kefka spat. "I'll destroy you all."

Mario nodded agreeably. "Sure-a you will. Now, just let me-a catch up with my little brother!"

"Pathetic Porky Plumber! Out of my sight, shoo!"

Mario nodded again and tried to get around Kefka. Kefka moved to block his path again and grinned.

"Hee hee heh heh..."

Kefka's laugh was tragically cut short when Mario chose not to go around him, but above. Mario leaped over Kefka's head and landed on the other side of him. Mario began to trot off. Kefka readied a lightning bolt in his palm, but Mario was already out of sight.

Kefka shook with either rage, annoyance, or caffeine overdose.

"So many innocents... so little time."

Kefka knew he had to bide his time, it wouldn't do to go killing people in these clumsy hallways. That's what they built that big arena for of course. Ganondorf had already shown that that could be done. Villians tended to be reclusive, and kept to themselves as a rule, but there were exceptions. Kefka had attempted speaking to the more evil members of the contest. None of them seemed to want to be manipulated however, so he'd have to make do with his own resources for now.

He'd gone for a long time without tasting fear and hate. Naturally, the fear belonged to his opponents, but the hate went both ways. He despised humanity as much as it hated him. He had been unable to savor those emotions for a long time... but it would be time soon. The light at the end of the tunnel was approaching. Literally.

It appeared that he was outside now. He no longer ran into people, and no one was there to hear his insults. The crowd stared at him from the stands, and a yellow blob stared at him from a distance. It was nice to be the center of attention. Kefka chuckled to himself, and began to approach his foe.



The Battle

Pac-Man was the first one called out to the arena floor, and the crowd went wild when he arrived. Last year, the dot-muncher had become something of a fan favorite--he was a curious character, but he'd been fun to watch on the battlefield. He had worried that his embarrassing (and rather messy) loss to Scorpion had dulled his image, but he got just as many cheers this time around--maybe even more. Pac-Man soaked up the applause like a sponge; it was good to be back.

After a moment, his opponent, Kefka, came out to a healthy mix of cheers and boos. Noticing this, Pac-Man started over to him, ready to shake hands before the fight.

Once he got close enough to hear him, however, he started to change his tune.

"...look at him. Just look at the little yellow FREAK over there. Staring at me with those beady, giant eyes of his. I bet he wants to eat me. He eats everything! Why wouldn't he want to eat me! But he won't eat me, oh no. I won't LET him do that. ...wait. Maybe I will let him do that. He won't be expecting that. Uuueeehehehehehe...."

That stopped Pac-Man dead in his tracks.

He hadn't spent much time worrying about Kefka. He'd been too busy having fun. But he knew he'd have a tough time beating him before he came out here. Now he realized Kefka wasn't just an evil clown with a couple of magic tricks...he was completely out of his mind.

"Go!!" said the announcer.

Cautiously, Pac-Man approached his foe. He had stood stock-still since he entered the arena. Now he wasn't even muttering to himself. Just grinning, maniacally.

"...well?" Kefka said, after a while. "What are you waiting for? ...a fighting stance, mayhap?" The clown slouched a bit, started bouncing on his feet. "Coooome on....Come ON! Hurry up and hit me, ballboy! I can take--"

Pac-Man lunged, hoping to take him by surprise.

...and he did, as he swallowed him whole.

The crowd gasped. Pac-Man himself looked more shocked than anyone. After a few seconds, though, he stopped looking shocked--and started looking sick. Then he started glowing red.

Frantic, Pac-Man spit Kefka out...just before the madman exploded.

----

Once the smoke cleared, it revealed a charred Pac-Man lying twenty feet away from the blast...and Kefka kneeling and laughing, without a scratch on him.

"How did you like THAT ONE, dot-muncher!?" he shouted as Pac-Man started to twitch. "It's called Merton, just in case you're taking notes!"

Kefka broke into another fit of laughter...and thus didn't notice Pac-Man slowly lifting a power pill to his mouth.

"Now I KNOW some of you are asking--'Why didn't Kefka burn??' Well, boys and girls..." the madman crowed at a clueless crowd as he retrieved an object from behind his back. "...over the years, I've learned something: Paladin Shields are your friend! MUAhaahaahaahaahaaWHATTHE--"

Pac-Man had eaten the power pill and transformed while Kefka ranted and raved, and now the new, Super Pac-Man slammed into him at full force. The wizard went sailing through the air, landing with an unceremonious thud as the crowd went wild. Kefka was up quickly, but Pac-Man didn't let up there, rushing him with a flurry of headbutts, bites and an occasional punch. The clown dodged and weaved around most of the hits--yelping every time--but he couldn't quite avoid the Pac's last attack: a full-strength chomp aimed at his shoulder.

Granted, all he got was Kefka's cape...but that seemed to be enough.

"My cape!" he shouted, his jaw hanging open. "You ATE my CAPE!!"

"...waoh?" Pac-Man mumbled, looking apologetic.

"All right, Happy Fun Ball," Kefka growled, "no more games!" With that, he conjured a massive fireball and flung it at his opponent. The energized Pac-Man barely felt the projectile, but it did stop his momentum, as did the lightning bolt that followed it. He shrugged off those blows easily enough--but the giant block of ice Kefka imprisoned him in next was a little more difficult.

"Ueeehehehe. Try eating THAT, you miserable excuse for a bottomless pit!" the clown taunted.

Then the ice flew apart, as Super Pac-Man powered his way out.

...then he fell to the ground, as the power pill wore off.

When he looked up, he saw Kefka standing next to him. "Your spell just ran out, didn't it?" he asked, grinning evilly.

"Wahoh..." Pac-Man gulped.

----

The next few minutes were not happy ones for Pac-Man.

"MUAAhahahahahaHAA!!" Kefka cackled, flinging another fireball at his fleeing foe. "And here I thought the fun and games were over for today! Run, run, Pac-Man--or you'll be well-done!!" The crowd was liberally booing him at this point, but he couldn't care less. All he cared about was frying this insignificant speck.

But Pac-Man, who had already suffered a few indirect hits, was tired of running. He decided some riskier tactics were in order. When the next fireball came at him, he rolled under it, then started rushing toward his foe. Growling, the wizard called up a Hyperdrive energy wave, but Pac-Man countered with one of his own rare moves: he jumped. He was a bit out of practice, but he just barely cleared the ground-splitting attack.

With Pac-Man only feet away, Kefka used a quick Bolt 2, sending crackling waves of electricity into the air. They caught Pac-Man in mid-charge, sending him flying--but he kept moving forward, his maw wide open.

As he fell to the ground, he took Kefka's right arm with him.

For a moment, Kefka just stared at himself in shock.
Then he turned to the still-floored Pac-Man, his eyes burning with rage.

"Give me back my arm, you little FREAK!!" he screamed, drawing his flail with his left hand.

The first hit alone knocked Pac-Man unconscious.
The next three assured he wouldn't get up any time soon.
And Kefka didn't stop there.

"I'll TAKE it back from you!" he cried, hitting Pac-Man again and again. "I'll rip you apart until I find that arm!!"

Then, suddenly, he stood up.

"...then again...why bother with ripping?"

As the crowd cried out for the match to be stopped, Kefka reached into Pac-Man's mouth and grabbed him by the upper lip. Using strength even he didn't know he had, he lifted the dot-muncher over his head, then began to cast one of his most powerful spells--centering it on his own hand. The magic threatened to rip his foe from his grasp, but he just managed to hold him until it was ready.

"ULTIMA!!" Kefka screamed, and Pac-Man exploded.

----

The gargantuan sphere of blue light had hidden the pair from view in an instant. It threatened to reach out into the stands, which didn't ease an audience that was spooked already. When the energy faded, the scene it revealed only made things worse.

Kefka stood in the center of a thirty-foot circle of destruction. His right arm was mangled, and he was holding it in place with his left. His side was covered in blood; his cape was in tatters. But, other than that, he was the picture of innocence.

There was no trace of Pac-Man.

"Well--I got my arm back," Kefka exclaimed, mostly to himself. "Guess that's a wrap!"



Aftermath

It had been the third death in the tournament. But it had shocked no one. With Kefka, it was almost expected.

Kefka had magically placed his arm back on his body, as easy as can be, and his smile was a little wider and more evil than usual. But he didn't go on any mad celebrations.

But when the 43 remaining contestants returned to the giant mansion that housed them (with the exception of Sephiroth, who just wandered the darkening fields, and never really set foot inside the mansion), Kefka's glee got out of control.

For all the night, the insane clownlike man just hopped around and around his room, laughing that maniacal laugh of his. He never slept a wink... He just laughed, and dwelled on memories.

As expected, this laughing fit woke many people from the mansion from their sleeping state. Most just wandered down to the common rooms on the ground floor, and slept there. But some of them still heard the echoing laugh from upstairs... Including Duke Nukem.

"Damn clown. Why can't he just go to sleep."

Very unwisely, Duke walked up the stairs, and headed for Kefka's room.

It took Duke only a few minutes to reach Kefka's room. Angrily, he pounded on the door.

"Dude!! Will you keep it down?! Some of us want ta sleep!"

The laughing stopped for one second. Replacing it, however, was a red beam of light that crashed through the door and hit Duke in the head, knocking him backwards into the nearest wall.

"Ow... How will I fight now..."

Bowser, who had been watching from down the hall, added his laughs to the mad laughing of Kefka.

"Well, it'd be your fault, for being such an idiot. Ha! Haven't seen anything like it!"




Today's Authors: BigCow, Jjukil (Guest), Sir Bormun
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