| GCB Fanfics: The Fanfiction Project |
July 12th, 2003Preshow "Holy ****ing ****!" said a foulmouthed squirrel getting out of bed, with a particularly bad hangover. "Jesus ****ing Christ, it feels like someone hit me in the head with a ****ing sledgehammer." Conker tried to make his way to the bathroom so he could wash his face, maybe that would wake him up a bit. Half way to the bathroom he tripped over a body lying in the middle of his floor. "Jesus, my ribs!" said Tommy Vercetti, the owner of said body. "Why did you kick me in the ****ing ribs." "Sorry, Tommy, didn't see you there." mumbled the squirrel fumbling his way into the bathroom. The cold water on his face made him at least partially aware of his surroundings. "What the **** did we do last night." "****ed if I know," mumbled the corpse of Tommy Vercetti. Conker thought back to the previous night and began to remeber things a little vaguely. He and Tommy had gone to a local bar to get drunk. No one else had been willing to go with him ****ing wusses thought Conker to himself. Suddenly there was a movement in the bathtub. Conker went into fight mode, pulled out one of his Uzi's and pulled open the shower curtain. No wait, Max Payne came also. Conker remembered seeing Max Payne lying in the bathtub. Conker chuckled to himself then turned the cold water on and walked out of the bathroom to hear a very loud yell behind him. When he got out of the bathroom Tommy had managed to get himself upright. "Was that that stupid cop loser?" Vercetti asked rubbing his head. "Yeah, but he's awake now." Conker said grinning. "I don't see why you invited him along anyway." "You can't do a good drinking game with just two, I wish Duke Nukem could've come that would've made it awesome." "Do you think with scored with that chick he was chasin'?" "Nah, I've seen cavemen who are smoother with chicks than that guy." "That was really ****ing funny, Conker." said a drenched Max Payne. "Really, I thought it was but I didn't think you would." Conker replied. "Anyway, don't you have a match in....-5 minutes?" said Max grinning. Conker looked at the clock. "Ah ****!" The Battle The Arena The people were all around the arena and were waiting for the next match between the cute and loveable Yoshi and the foul and vulgar Conker. "Entering the arena, from Super Mario Brothers...YOSHI!" Yoshi entered to a cheer and made a squeal as he entered the arena. He was the favorite, and for a dino, he knew it. "Entering the arena, from Conker's Bad Fur Day....CONKER!" Conker entered with enough weapons to put Ratchet and KOS-MOS to shame. He didn't care what Yoshi thought, he was indeed a dirty minded squrrel and he thought that Dino Steak was indeed something he loved to have. The ref entered and told them to go at it. Yoshi grabbed an egg and rolled it like a bowling ball. Conker, shocked to see Yoshi do something this lame, shouted "What the ****? What is this ****? You damn ***** son of a *****. What's in the ****in' egg?" Yoshi said a few words, and the egg grew two legs and two arms...It was a Yoshi clone! Conker wasn't ready to throw the towel in yet... He grabbed a hand grenade that he brought with him and tossed it at the Yoshi clone. "Fire in the ****in' hole!!" screamed Conker as he dove for the benches near the battle area. The Yoshi clone was blown up and Yoshi was blown towards the end of the arena, but he wasn't out yet. Conker got out and was shocked as heck to see the dino still standing from the granade blasts. Yoshi spoke in Yoshi talk, in which translated into "Now, it's my turn." Yoshi used his tongue to grab Conker. But, the squrrel grabbed another hand granade and lobbed it at Yoshi. Yoshi took it with his tongue and made an egg out of the hand granade. He lobbed at Conker and landed right near the squrrel. Needless to say, he didn't get out in time as it blew up and he was sent out of the arena. "Your winner....Yoshi!" Yoshi celebrated the win by joining Mario and Luigi up in the stands. He knew that this win not only helped him, but it sent him to the next round, where Bowser was waiting for the dinosaur. Aftermath Yoshi headed back to the locker room along with his constant companions, Mario and Luigi. On the rare occasions when the dinosaur wasn't eating, he could always be found with the veteran plumber and his brother. Mario pulled the other two inside and shut the door quickly before anyone from the throngs looking for an autograph could follow. The three were in high spirits after Yoshi's easy victory, one a bit too high. Yoshi staggered into the room and sat down heavily on a bench. The dinosaur almost always had a smile on his face, but this time it was even more pronounced, and his eyes somewhat unfocused. He fumbled with the laces trying to take off his boots. "You okay-a there, Yoshi?" asked Luigi as he took a seat next to Yoshi. Yoshi turned to him grinning and squeaked his unique Yoshi-call as he gave a thumbs-up sign. Mario walked over. "Okey-dokey guys, here's-a why I've-a got you here." Yoshi hiccupped. "Hey-a Yoshi, you aren't-a drunk-a, are you?" Yoshi shook his head vigorously and emitted another Yoshi-call, interrupted by a hiccup. The brothers shot the dinosaur skeptical looks, and after a moment, Yoshi rethought his response and nodded. "Uh-oh." Said Luigi. "You-a remember the last-a time-a this happened? At-a Toad's-a party?" "Poor-a Peach. It's-a too bad she had-a to be named after a fruit-a." Mario chuckled. He stopped suddenly and looked at Yoshi. "Mama mia! You didn't-a even eat-a Conker! All-a you did was-a lick him! What was he-a doing, rolling around in-a the 200-proof before-a the match?" "That's-a what it smelled-a like-a to me," said Luigi. "And-a we were on-a the other side of-a the stadium!" "Oh well. Just-a try to pay attention." Mario lowered his high-pitched voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "You've-a both seen-a the bracket, okay. I'm-a in-a the South, Luigi, you're-a in-a the North, and-a Yoshi's in-a the East. The way I-a see it, we get-a DK in on-a this, and-a we can sweep-a this whole-a thing!" "That's-a it?" asked his brother. "I could have-a told you that. But there's-a some pretty spicy lasagna between us and-a the final four-a." "That's-a why I've-a got a trick up-a my sleeve." Mario reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of flowers, mushrooms, stars, leaves and feathers. He divided them up among his companions. Luigi stuffed them away in his shirt. Yoshi simply gobbled them all up and laid several eggs. "I figured-a that-a wasn't you're only-a one you gave-a me before. What about-a you, Mario?" Luigi asked as they got ready to leave. "Don't-a worry. I won't-a be pushing up-a the daisies any-a time soon," Mario assured him. "Besides, I've-a got my own-a stash. You just-a see me if-a you run out." "Okay. Hey-a wait. What's-a that you say you're-a gonna do with-a Daisy? You better just-a stick with-a Peach!" Mario just hung his head and helped Yoshi steer himself out the door. Next Entry Back |